I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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