My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
