I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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