sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
