I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
