He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
