we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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