Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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