K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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