found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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