we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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