Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
