I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
