I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
