Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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