i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
