I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
