listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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