no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
