1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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