We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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