it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
