Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
