Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
