he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
