So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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