is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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