Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
