apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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