im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
