She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
