I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
