dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
