Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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