I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
