also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
