I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
