You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Houston, we have a squirter
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
