i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
