I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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