I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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