I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
