I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The air taste purple.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
