A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
