i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
