i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
