You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
