I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
