What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
