you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
